


Better Man

by Lafaiette



Category: Deadpool (Comics), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Dating, Fluff, M/M, Wade is scared
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-06
Updated: 2013-09-06
Packaged: 2017-12-25 19:22:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/956748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lafaiette/pseuds/Lafaiette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So he keeps trying, hoping to become the man worth one day to tell Peter how he feels, how much he matters to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Better Man

They’ve been dating for about five months now. It’s the best and most frightening thing that has ever happened to Wade and every time he calls Peter - or he calls him - his heart beats so fast it seems to explode. It would be a good kind of explosion though, Wade thinks, one that would imply happiness and that sentiment he doesn’t want to think about.

Peter is sweet, patient, funny, he makes him forget he’s a horrible person, a big scarred man who kills people for hire and whose face looks like a pizza.

Peter doesn’t seem to mind this last detail: he kisses his cheek - and when the mood is right his lips too - and doesn’t care about people when they walk together through New York, Wade’s hands and face partially exposed to everyone’s afraid or disgusted gazes.

The mercenary job is a more complicated matter, but they’ve talked about it. Wade admires Peter, in more ways than one, and even if the hero is younger than him and a bit naïve, Wade follows his advice and tries his best - he really does! - to be like him, to do more good, to _be_ good.

He does everything he can to be someone worth being with, a _person_ , like he hasn’t been for an inexpressible time. He’s grateful to Peter, to this young man who loves science and photography, who cries at sappy movies and smiles at him even if Wade’s face should make him cringe.

 

They are going slow. Wade wants to be a better man before taking the Serious Route, he doesn’t want to hurt Peter - he couldn’t _never_ forgive himself -, so he doesn’t rush. He hugs him, makes dirty jokes, steals a quick chaste kiss once in a while, but he never does more, he never _dares_ doing more.

Sometimes Peter looks at him expectantly, as if he’s waiting for something - he’s done that when they have gone to the cinema to watch _Monsters University_. They’ve held hands for the whole movie, playing with each other’s fingers, feeling the blunt nails and ugly bumps. Then, after a funny scene that made everyone laugh, Peter has turned to Wade, lips still smiling, but eyes firm and determined.

But Wade is _scared_ (he will be damned if he ever admit it though) and the special Disney kiss never happened.

 _‘Not yet.’_ Wade thinks whenever Peter sends him that look or caresses his cheek longingly before going home. _‘Not yet, baby boy. I don’t want to disappoint you or hurt you.’_

He can feel this strong, pressuring feeling: it nips at his insides, making his breath short and painful, but oh boy if he doesn’t like it! It’s like having a second healing factor battling against the cancer, but this time science and fucking governments aren’t involved. It’s something more precious and beautiful and Wade can’t almost feel his marred skin anymore when Peter smiles at him or hugs him back or simply talks to him about simple stuff.

Peter is the cure he didn’t know could exist. His tumors and disfigured flesh are still there, but they are less important, he cares less about them because _Peter_ doesn’t care and maybe the giant hatred Wade feels for himself will be cured by Peter’s… affection one day.

Wade isn’t even sure Peter reciprocates his feelings. Maybe it’s just pity, maybe he’s just a distraction. It’s terribly painful to think about it, but Wade would accept it, it wouldn’t even surprise him. Well, maybe it would: Peter looks perfect to him, an anchor of inner beauty, sweetness and salvation. He can’t imagine him being that shallow or wicked, but Wade _feels_ shallow and wicked and he would deserve it.

So he keeps trying, hoping to become the man worth one day to tell Peter how he feels, how much he matters to him.  
  
  
\- - - - -  
  
  
Six months of shy, playful dating and then something happens.

It’s night and Wade has come up with a funny plan before going to patrol with Peter. He knocks at his apartment’s door holding two large boxes of pizza - their dinner - and the first DVD series of _Star Wars_.

Nobody answers, so Wade guesses Peter is just at the bathroom and can’t come, it happened before. He takes the key hidden under the doormat Peter informed him about when they first began this dating thing and enters the apartment, calling cheerfully: “Baby boy! Where art thou at~?”

He puts the pizza boxes on the kitchen counter, head turned toward the bathroom door, but there is no light under it.

“Uh… Petey?”

He looks around and finally sees him: Peter’s sitting on the sofa, in front of a turned off TV, bloody bandages around his arms and neck.

A cold sweat run through Wade’s back as he slowly goes around the sofa to look at the young man. He’s staring at the wall, livid, breath ragged and barely contained.

“Baby boy? What… what the hell happened? What are those bandages?”

“You just said it. They are bandages.”

Wade recoils, because Peter never used this tone before, never his voice has been so cold and angry.

“Yeah, umh… but _why_ are they on that sexy body of yours?”. He tries to joke as always, but it doesn’t sound convincing and Peter doesn’t even look at him.

“I went on patrol, nothing new. Just the usual wounds and scratches.”

Now Wade freezes on the spot, because Peter went on patrol _alone_ , _without_ _him_ , and for a moment Wade thinks this is why he’s so angry, maybe he forgot about a programmed date… The cancer does these tricks sometimes, but Wade is absolutely sure he didn’t forget anything, so Peter decided to patrol alone because he’s angry at him for another reason… which Wade can’t think of.

No, scratch that. He can think of a reason. Peter must be simply tired of him, right? It finally happened, he understood Wade is just a nuisance and doesn’t want him around anymore.

“So… this is our first and last fight, huh?” Wade whispers and even he notices his own sad and desperate voice. He feels pity and rage towards himself and pain and that feeling he doesn’t want to think about for Peter.

The young man finally turns to him and seems slightly surprised.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“You are leaving me, right? I mean, you went on patrol alone and are all pissed off at me, so I guess this is the way to dump me.”

Wade’s voice is normal now, absolutely controlled, resigned. He knew this would have happened, so he will act cool. He can do it, he’s always done it.

“What?” Peter’s eyes are ten times bigger now and Wade feels a painful tug knowing he’ll never see them again.

“It’s okay, baby boy.” he says with a smile that gives him so much more pain than cancer. “I wouldn’t stay with me either. I understand.”

He’s already moving to leave, heart beating abnormally fast, when a hand catches his wrist and he’s suddenly pulled into a hard bruising kiss.

Peter’s tongue enters his mouth and Wade can’t help but moan, putting his hands on Peter’s that are holding his head.

“You… you stupid _dickhead!_ ” and the merc jumps a bit, because Peter literally screamed, a bad word for that matter.

“Does this even mean something to you?!” the hero continues with loud voice, grasping Wade’s shirt and breathing over his face. “Is this just a joke, a game, to you?!”

“What?! I don’t understand, web-head, what the fuck are you talking about?”

Wade is getting angry too, he’s disoriented and horribly worried, and he knows he isn’t the smart one in this… in this thing - whatever it is - and he fears Peter is telling him something too much complicated for him to understand. He hasn’t ever been good with this kind of things and he’s already scared shitless, so…

“You are so dense!” Peter hisses pushing the scarred man on the sofa and sitting on his laps, legs almost strangling his hips. “So goddamn dense!”

“What’s got into you?!” Wade exclaims. A swearing Peter Parker is a frightening sight, one he would have never thought of seeing.

“You! That’s why! No, wait, that’s not true! You don’t even kiss me, let alone _fuck_ me!”

“Who are you and what have you done to Peter Parker?” Wade jokes feebly, but the young man just growls - really _growls_ \- and kiss him again, long fingers almost clawing at his skin under the red and black shirt.

It’s almost too much for Wade’s brain - he’s not ready for this yet, he’s not good enough for Peter yet -, so he pushes him away, even though it hurts so much to do so. A part of his brain is cursing at him, the other one is proud. Then there is Peter, teary eyes and sadly surprised face.

“Peter.” Wade says before he can think all the wrongs things. “Baby boy, listen to me…”

He takes his head in his bigger, scarred hands, tracing the soft lines of the cheeks and the furrowed brown brows.

He opens his mouth, but for the first time in a very long time he doesn’t know what to say. No, he knows what, he doesn’t know _how_ , so he just opens and closes, opens and closes until he gives up and sighs.

Peter seems in awe now, as if a revelation just occurred, and he touches the disfigured face in return, whispering: “You are _scared_.”

See? Peter is the smart one in this.

The young hero keeps looking at him, long beautiful fingers never leaving the scars, then he smiles, the usual big soft smile that’s all for Wade and that makes his heart jump and that strong feeling in his chest even more stronger.

“I’m just… I’m just not… I’m not a better man yet, Peter. I may never be and you deserve more, you…”

Peter interrupts him with a feather kiss on his chapped lips and Wade whispers his name again, trying to convince his mind to cooperate for once and say the right things.

“You are already a better man, Wade.”

“No, I’m not.” the merc angrily replies. “I’m a _mess_ , Peter, and you helped me so much, but miracles don’t work for me.”

“I know you are.”

“ _How?_ ” and this time Wade is the screaming one. Peter doesn’t flinch though, just holds him tighter. “How do you know that?! You…”

“Because you love me.”

Wade falls silent immediately, as if he’s been hit by a punch. The feeling in his heart he didn’t want to give a name to makes his head spin and he holds onto Peter, who really is like an anchor, a support, a salvation.

“And…” Peter’s voice is shy now, his smile sweet and hopeful. “I love you too.”

Those words break something in Wade and the warm feeling erupts, forcing him forward to grasp Peter’s head and kiss his lips until they are bruised and red.

When they pull apart, Peter is laughing, happy as Wade has never seen him before. And the merc joins him, resting his head on his shoulder.

“Best Disney kiss ever.” he whispers and Peter laughs harder. Wade lifts up his head to look into his eyes and adds softly: “I’ll have to punch a wall to feel manly again.”

“Implying you have ever been manly.” Peter jokes earning himself a playful smack on the butt.

“Let’s eat something and then go to bed before the webs in your brain make you speak nonsense again.”

Peter laughs again and stands up, helping Wade to do the same. The older man doesn’t let his hand go and kisses him once again, a sweeter but equally heated kiss.

“Thanks.”

As Peter smiles at him with love and happiness, Wade knows he’s right, that he’s already the man Peter deserves.

And knowing that is the most effective cure.


End file.
